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an annotated life

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November 24th, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

:D  cutiebabysheeeeep!
It's never been my style to write a Thanksgiving list. I have always been too cool or too agnostic or too whatever to feel gratitude on an appointed day. Well, coincidentally, I feel very damned appreciative today, and I think that needs to be recorded. Anyway, I do so love lists.

I'm grateful for my capacity for joy. I think anger is more common among humans, and I certainly have my share, but there are times when I feel love for the whole world, and euphoria flows through me. I am so lucky to have that.

I'm grateful for my relationships. I have so many good friends, and I have great relationships with my mom and brother. I also have a new boyfriend, and while it's just as much under the "it's complicated" relationship flag as any other I've had, it feels so simple and easy and right. Every relationship is different, but that easyness is something I've never experienced before.

I'm grateful for my living situation. I moved out from my brother's apartment into my mother's house, and with her moving out I have the place all to myself. As I was figuring out what to do with all my things, I was feeling a lot like I'd bit off more than I could chew, but it's really coming together, and it really makes me happy to have this space.

I'm grateful for Mom's boyfriend. A year ago she was in a dark and solitary place of grief. I did what I could to help but like just about everything else in the world, the only way out was through. She came through, she's moved on, she's falling in love, and I just couldn't be happier for her. My heart sits easier now that it isn't aching for her.

I'm grateful for myself. I'm lucky to be me! I love myself, I am comfortable in my skin, I am still maintaining my ability to learn (so far), I accept my flaws and work around them as best I can. I do my best to think ahead, but I know how to appreciate what I get and live in the moment. I am great. :)

October 28th, 2011

(no subject)

In other news, there is a Dr. Who con in Lombard IL at the end of November, and they are looking for panelists.

October 22nd, 2011

someone is wrong...

>:(  smurf you
So, I have been on OkCupid more lately than I had been in a long while. The thing I like to do after reading a profile is going into their publicly answered questions, sorting by ones I have not yet answered. Skip to the next paragraph if you need no explanations of OkC's current question structure.Collapse )

Today, I answered the question, "Do you find arrogance to be a turn-on?" with "Yes. Explanation: “It might be better to say that arrogance usually comes with the suite of characteristics that I find attractive, and doesn't turn me off enough to rule someone out. Also, poking at egos gives me something to do. ” Shortly after, a guy with a really stupid handle embarked on an email exchange with me.Collapse )

Just as I told him, I will wait and see if he responds with humor/chagrin or by calling me a whore (or some middle ground is possible, even if it is an argument online).

Maybe I am kidding myself when I say I don't like to argue. Of course, when that question is asked, what comes to my mind is arguments in relationships, not ones that involve me using onelook.com. Ones like this can be pretty fun, but they just don't matter.

October 14th, 2011

I have a house

Mom's move went fantastically well this weekend. I did a lot of cheerleading. The joke that comes out of it for us is me saying "You're doing GREAT!" Lots of those were accompanied with double thumbs up. The thing is, she really was, but she was having difficulty seeing it. This is not about me. Except that I totally got a house out of it.

This move happened fast. LIFE has been happening fast for Mom. Bob died just a year ago, and Mom did her grieving, mostly alone, over the course of about six months, and then started building her life without him. She's reconnected with old friends, she started dating again in July (and did so just enough to get some awesomely ridiculous stories), and she's found someone who is more than a joke. They've only been involved since a week or so before Labor Day, when they met in person, and have gone from there. Nekouken and I have now met him because he came to help with the move... after asking her to schedule it so that he could be there. That right there says "keeper" - I don't know anyone who is more willing to help with a move than I am myself, and for me to do what he did would mean I was taking that relationship very seriously. It'd be surprising at this point in life if Mom didn't know what she wants, but still, that was pretty damn zippy. Similarly, the move itself went BAM! she saw a duplex in mid September, BAM! she inquired and found out she knew the owners, BAM! she applied, BAM! she put down her first month's rent and deposit, and took possession on 9/29. Bear in mind that I moved in here in August, and the original plan was for her to move out around January. IT'S SO FAST.

With all that speed, Mom was feeling pretty overwhelmed. That was her answer every time I checked in with her. It makes a lot of sense - she has had mostly long term relationships with houses, and this move was a very different kind than most. Everyone tries to trim down stuff during a move, but she is also moving to a smaller place, moving to renting instead of owning, and just trying to break up with her stuff - she has also been in many long term relationships with various dishes, decorations and pieces of furniture, but she's grown and changed and they haven't. It's not them, it's her. And this time, I was staying behind, so anything she no longer needed but I could still use, she wanted to leave for me. So, instead of just packing 99% of all her things like in a normal move, she had to make hundreds of little decisions - do I need, want or love this? If not, does it go to the garage sale pile, to the church, to a person, to the trash, or does it stay in the house?

She was also saying another goodbye to Bob. Moving on comes in stages, and this was the one where she had to part with the physical aspects that remained after his body was gone - putting photos away, throwing out the rocks they collected from various places (this was a decision of substance - Mom has been taking rocks from places for a long time, and let me tell ya, they are fucking HEAVY to move), and just the detritus of his life, the subtle things that were still there after the obvious ones were handled months ago.

So, with all of that happening in this move, she was mentally exhausted just thinking about starting any of it. I was hoping for us to get a lot done during the week but it really didn't happen that way - my schedule now ending at quarter to 9 is a vast improvement over quarter to 11, but it still a long way from alignment with a person on an 8 to 5 schedule.

I'm writing so much about what was happening with Mom because it impacted me directly. I needed to help her get this move done at the time she wanted, so that we wouldn't have truck rental fail, and have stress, frustration and exhausted helpers at the end of the weekend. I don't HAVE to take charge of affairs such as these - I was one of many equal helpers during Bamm's move a few weeks ago, and I used the language of suggestions with those who knew what to do, and the instructions I did give were because people were asking me what to do (mostly? probably? I hope that everyone else there shared my perception of me, but no one punched me at the end, so at least there's that) - but when I do I do a pretty good job of it. Mom said a lot of times she could not have done it without me, and that is objectively true. I made sure this place was mostly packed by the end of Saturday and ready for the truck on Sunday.

I don't want a chronology here, I just want to hit the highlights:

I woke up at 6:45 on Saturday, actually up before Mom. On a friend's suggestion, I tried making the coffee for her so it'd be there when she got up... and it turns out I need a little practice at coffee making, getting how the thing works, etc. Hers is not like the ones at work. She was able to drink it, though, so there's that.

Finding Mom a new washer and dryer on Craigslist within a few miles of her place was way better than hauling these out of here - for $275, she got nearly new and already proven in good working order, and I got to keep the ones that she had here. Win-win!

Mike was originally supposed to drive the truck, but when we picked it up, we found out that Mike's license expired on his birthday - now replaced, but I do have to say, it's a lot better to have the truck rental guy point this out than a cop.

Because of the whole license thing being discovered on Saturday after 4, it was too late to fix it, so I drove the truck! It was not my plan but it went pretty well. Steve backed it into one driveway for me, when we were getting the washer and dryer, but I backed it up Mom's uphill driveway twice (with the commensurate rear view directing from behind).

I really like Steve. I think he'll be good for Mom. I hope they work out long term.

Since we finished so quickly, nekouken and I decided to leave Rockford with the truck and come back to Elgin to load MY large possessions and get them to Sycamore. I called up Skinny Scott and he helped us out, so now I owe him a move - it's usually the other way around for me and moving!

That's pretty much it. As an aside, I'm pretty pleased that I managed to actually write this; been pretty crippled in that area of late.

October 7th, 2011

Why am I awake?

My brain's not ready to turn off, I think. It has random bits still floating around.

I had a really enjoyable conversation tonight. I feel really satisfied right now.

I am still struggling with writing. This right here is fairly easy, but anything more substantial will be like pulling teeth. I think it is time to get down to that textual dentistry.

I had unfriending drama this week. I actually want to write seriously about it, but it's anybody's guess if I will manage it.

I need to trim my bangs. Did I even manage to post a picture of the bangs? I'm not sure I ever got a picture I wanted to post of the bangs. Also, bangs bangs bangs BANGS BANGS.

Ok, drifted off there for a bit. Have good sleep!

October 3rd, 2011

Voice Post

143K 0:53
(no transcription available)

I set my mind in motion

Everything else in my world certainly seems to be moving.

August 7th I loaded the car with the daily essentials, including my two cats and their requirements, and headed for Mom's. I've been moving in ever since, an easy task since I commute to the same job that is two minutes from the apartment where most of my things still are.

In mid-September Mom said to me, "I think I've found a place to live." She applied for and was chosen as the renter of a duplex 45 minutes west of here. This move was always in the works, but was slated to happen around January. She just found the perfect place and jumped.

September 24th I was part of a crack team of guerilla movers, and we jointly relocated my friend Bamm from her apartment to a huge house an hour away. Her new place is farther from my old place but closer to my new place.

September 27th, I had to pack up my desk at work - got a new shift and a new supervisor and a new desk on a new floor. I have not yet unpacked, because the new desk is half the size and the drawer was full of stuff from at least two people back. It was not a pleasant work experience.

On September 29th Mom took possession of her new rental place.

October 2nd she and I loaded both our cars and went out so I could see the new place, and help with some cleanup. There are chairs there now, and a table!

There is much more moving happening all around me, with varying levels of my involvement: getting the bulk of Mom's things to her new home, slated for the 9th if we can get a truck lined up in time; moving the bulk of my things out of my brother's place to my new house; moving my brother's girlfriend in with him; possibly helping out of state friends with a fairly sudden move (and getting a vacation out of the deal, sweet); moving Bamm to another location, that location almost certainly being into my house here.

The most stable thing in my life right now is my new old car. Fortunately, it's a station wagon.

August 20th, 2011

"Too bad, you seemed promising, but if all you have left is 'Show me your tits!' then we're done here."

Honestly, the internet is largely comprised of kittens, misinformation and breasts. If you aren't sated by the massive amounts of free - and freely available - skin, and really want to see my amateur porn stylings, the least you could do is make me laugh.
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