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minor annoyance theatre

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minor annoyance theatre

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It aggravates me when someone says to me, "I'm sorry I upset you," when I'm not upset.

It is an annoying assumption for people to make, and far better to ask than assert, because it seems that one can't reply, "I'm not upset," without it sounding disingenous and defensive. *I* certainly can't, at any rate, and it irritates me when I say, "No, I'm fine," and then go on to lay out my thought process, giving additional background for my response, only to get back a dubious, "Well, you seemed upset." Do not tell me how I feel! I understand that the way it sounded going out of my head may not match the way it sounds going into another, and I realize that your responses may be designed for people who are not on the level emotionally. Tell you what, though: I tend to err on the side of oversharing, especially when I'm unhappy. If I'm not mentioning a bad feeling that has to do with you, there are only a few possible reasons for it.

a) I have decided that my feeling is wrong, or at least lacks a rational basis, and I am discounting it.

b) I'm looking for the kindest way to express a harsh truth about something that can't be helped. I believe that baldly telling people things like, "Your interest is flattering but I find you boring and unattractive," crosses the line between honesty and assnozzlry... and by the way, I have no one from my friends list in mind with that hypothetical comment, but if you wondered if I did, I feel that you need to learn how to like yourself better.

c) It is so minor that fixing it will have no real effect on my life, while explaining it will take more time and cause more annoyance than just letting it go. I don't want to still be discussing something stupid five minutes down the line when I would have forgotten about it in three.

In any of those cases, I will still tell the truth if asked. What sucks for me is that having to argue about whether or not I am upset seems to be a pet peeve of mine - in fact, I believe it is THE quickest trivial way to annoy the shit out of me - and then the person uses my agitation as proof that I was lying about being upset. No, dipshit, in fact I was fine until you started this crap!

Also annoying: when someone sets you on a train of thought like this and then dashes away from the conversation, leaving you with the pale consolation prize of posting to LJ.
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