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pulling in the slack on OkC

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pulling in the slack on OkC

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I have an OkCupid profile, and I am female. Logically it follows that sometimes, I WILL come into contact with idiots. I don't think my judgement is infallible, though, so I have had a policy of not deciding whether any one particular contact was in fact with an idiot until I had talked to J. Random Dude(ette) at least long enough to have a shot at catching my interest. This translates to a willingness to talk to anyone at least once.

This broad rule has been ok as long as all it was costing me was time. There are limits to the energy I will spend one someone I find uninteresting, but I have had more than one friend tell me those limits are ridiculously wide. That was ok with me, though, as I have found enough people on there who really enrich my life to make gambling with minutes worthwhile to me. It's time for a rule change, however, because yesterday I saw mermaids got ANGRY.

I met an oaf's initial oafishness with sarcasm and it quickly devolved into unpleasantness. To be clear, that isn't my problem. Nastiness has been a rarity in my online experience but I've seen it before, I know it exists, and his insults didn't hurt me because I don't care about him. The change is that this time, I got angry because he TRIED to hurt me, because he thought that was the correct followup to being shot down - because he EXISTED. I would have been kinder if he hadn't started off on such a jerky footing... and yet in retrospect, it's clear to me that I should never have responded to him at all. I'm neither a college professor nor a middle manager, and I owe nobody an open door policy.

I could make excuses - I was awash in a sea of hormones at the time, which seems to screw with my head more and more effectively as I get older - but frankly, it doesn't matter. What matters is that this incident put me in touch with a kind of anger I haven't felt in a long time, reminded me of an old pattern that I set aside years ago. I only touched the tower of rage, I didn't go in, but what was set aside could be picked up again just as easily, and maybe it's important to be aware of that.

For the curious, this is what put verbs like "expunge" in my head.

him: Hey neighbor You doing men lately ? or you into women?

me: that's really the first impression you're gonna go with, huh?

me: interesting

him: well its how you pesented your profile

me: *eyeroll* only if you're semiliterate

him: i could have put a pic of my dick out there,,

him: i have an MBA

him: illiterate has 2 ls

him: guess youre doing broads then

me: that would be because it starts with the prefix il

him: dont lecture me Do you wanna meet and fuck ?

me: no, I only bang people who impress me

him: fat and insecure... im glad i caught on quick,,

me: What can I say? I like men who can handle their apostrophes.

me: In other words, aging and shallow - you never had a shot.

him: Dear overweight cunteater.. only shot i wanted was a cum shot in your hair,,, in otherwords.. truly rotund,, a renissance fair freak and a mole that would fuck anything with a heartbeat.. No you would just have been a target

As this was happening, I blocked first chat, then email and finally profile. I also decided to just let him have the last word. I could easily have kept going with ever-escalating invective - his assumptions are stupid and annoyingly representative of a wide array of men, and his grasp of logic... well, I could go on, but I won't - but I think the odds that I had any more power to hurt him than he had to hurt me were slim, and the fact that I had the desire at all is more troubling than anything either of us could possibly have said.

Just for contrast, this is an example of a polite turndown, from today.

him: hello!

me: hi

him: sorry I don't have a pic or anything I just wanted to ask a quick question if you don't mind

me: ok

him: Would you be interested in farting in my face and/or mouth, or letting me sniff your asshole?

me: as a first contact? I'm afraid not

him: aww sadface

me: it sounds like a fetish, which means sexualized for at least one party

me: gotta be friends first

him: fair enoughz

me: at the least

him: indeed

me: that's me, though

me: good luck!

I only internet-believe that the guy was serious, but if he was, I feel for him. I admit it, this made me laugh (and saying so would have been honest but mean). I think the number of people who would not flee from him as a total whackjob is probably pretty small. To my mind, it'd be harmless, but I think I would have to be DEEP in love to be able to keep a straight face for that.
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