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are you trying to seduce me? (if so, you fail kind of utterly)

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are you trying to seduce me? (if so, you fail kind of utterly)

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Sometimes I'm just dumbfounded by the things random strangers will say to me out of nowhere.

The odds of that happening seem to rise substantially when I get a message on OkCupid from someone with a certain type of unappealing handle... say, one that starts with a reference to race or skin color, followed perhaps by some lofty concept such as "spirit", then wrapped up with some beautifully stupid netspeak (or whatever they call it in reference to texting) such as "4u" - concatenatively, this is quite unattractive. I'll still give someone with such a handle a chance, but it seems like conversations with these people almost always end up going down a road I've traveled before, and am not really all that excited about revisiting - yet they seem to find them endlessly stimulating.

yuckyhandle: hi dear
yuckyhandle: how are you?
me: ok
me: pleasant sunday
yuckyhandle: ohhh
yuckyhandle: how pleasent
me: uh, just average
yuckyhandle: ok
yuckyhandle: so
yuckyhandle: whats up?
me: not much, chatting
me: thinking about dinner
yuckyhandle: do you like to talk about sex?
me: well
me: it's a topic
yuckyhandle: do you like sex?
me: it's an important part of this complete breakfast
yuckyhandle: yes
yuckyhandle: do you have a bf?
me: i think i am going to soon
yuckyhandle: cool
yuckyhandle: when you be alone
yuckyhandle: widought bf
yuckyhandle: how you have sex?
yuckyhandle: with who?
me: wouldn't say I do, in general
yuckyhandle: ohhhhhh
yuckyhandle: so
yuckyhandle: i understand you dont have toys?
me: what?
yuckyhandle: do you have msn or yahoo?
me: I don't think I really want to talk any more
yuckyhandle: ok
yuckyhandle: sorry
yuckyhandle: bye
me: bye

I wonder if he would have gone the direction of cyber or would have been more into webcam action. Actually, no I don't. :P

When I looked him up (which I do any time I get messaged, pretty much) I learned some amazing information about him. I was particularly struck that he is "studying sociology at some university..." - struck with the urge to laugh, that is. It is a really bad profile, folks.

His one potential saving grace could have been that he says he is from Morocco. Played right, that could lead to some slack being cut in some directions. I guess, anyway. Being from elsewhere is mildly interesting to me, and does introduce inherent cultural gaps to casual interactions, enough that I might be moved to pay out some additional rope to a not-us-ian - but it just isn't enough to justify this kind of lame conversation.

However, though I don't know enough to have strong feelings about it, I have my doubts that this guy is really speaking English as a second language at all. This doesn't read like broken English caused by a language barrier to me, just poor English. I've seen plenty of Americans write in their native tongue just like this, whereas the writing in English by foreign folks with whom I've conversed is generally only distinguishable from my own by the occasional unusual turn of phrase. I can't be certain that this is how it is, but I'd bet on it if there were betting on online dating (holy shit, zillion dollar idea!!!!!!).

It doesn't matter, anyway. Bottom line: starting off with the overly familiar "dear" is bad enough, but if, apropos of nothing, you opt to say any sentence containing the word "sex" to me within your first 20 words (I counted, it was 19th) I will consider that you have put all your cards on the table... and you had better have some seriously amazing stuff in the rest of your arsenal of potential attractors to back that shit up. We're talking obvious intellect, rapier wit, stellar writing ability, clear compatibilities, intriguingly high match percentage and pictures including kitties and/or kilts. Boldly statements such as, "i like to reade all types of books...and watch all kindes of movies...the samething with music and food (but i like pizza)" do not even begin to approach the realm of making this bozo, or his legions of doppelgangers, remotely capable of catching my attention past the length of time it takes to bitch about him.
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