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a teensy bit up in arms

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a teensy bit up in arms

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I randomly decided to peruse the polyamory comm, and I came across a thread in which one person refers to pregnancy as an STD, and another person is offended, and the first dude backs down. I take mild issue with this instance of offendedness, and the complainant's interpretation of the joke, and I wish the guy who said it had defended himself (though he was very graceful in his backing out, and it's hard to keep such exchanges get heated, so he probably did what he felt best). It's a few days old in the comm, though, and the thread's dead, so I figure I'm too late to that game; I'm just posting my response in my own journal instead, expanded from what I would have written there.

Like the guy in the thread, I also occasionally speak facetiously about pregnancy being an STD. When I say this, it has nothing to do with my view about children. His phraseology might change the feel of the sentiment, but it seems to me that pregnancy is still his target.

Regardless of one's feelings about children, it would be irrational to hold a baby's inception against it, since it's a result, not a cause... but pregnancy is not a child, it is only the commonest means of coming by one. My feelings about the one don't dictate my feelings about the other.

In point of fact, I love to be around kids, but I do not want any of my own at this time and have no plans for them in the future. In spite of that, I would not terminate an accidental pregnancy (outside a few fairly unlikely circumstances). I would keep the baby, raise it to the best of my ability and love it with everything in me. I can't see doing parenthood any other way, and I think I would do it really well and raise an amazing kid. If that happened, though, the person I am now and the life I am living would be crushed to make way for that new existence. Even when I'd finished raising that child, I'd never get what I have now back, I'd never be the person I would have been if I had spent that time childless.

Pregnancy, along with all that it implies, is just one of the risks I take any time I engage in sex, and I accept it with my eyes open. If it ever comes to pass that birth control fails me, I will abandon my current existence without hesitation. However, I will give myself the freedom to acknowledge the death of this iteration of myself, if only in some brief and humorous manner such as this. The baby's not the "disease," this body's ability to create one against my wishes is. Referring to pregnancy as an STD is my joking nod to the ever-present risk of this happening.

I could go on and address how easily people get offended online in general, but, well, I think the rest of today is for laid-back housework and that's about it.

Now that I said all this, though, I think I will go back and post a response in brief (as part of my endless, largely unsuccessful quest to master brevity, of course).
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