people make for bumpy walls
Damn. My internal writing queue keeps being rearranged. Annoying, it is. I just hope like crazy that I don't start losing things before I get them down.
Currently on my mind: the responses of my friends when I tell them about my relationship problems.
I believe the most basic of healthy responses to having problems in a relationship is to start talking about it to people who are on the outside. It has multiple benefits, perhaps the most important of which is that it can lend perspective.
That being said, I think it's important to understand WHY it has the power to do so, and the implications inherent in the varied responses that, as a storyteller of woes, one will receive.
As I've wended my sideways, latecomer's way through the battle-scarred landscape of the the valley of the search for love*, I've run into snags, as everyone must and does. As they've happened, I've talked to my friends about them. I do this because there's value for me just in the act of talking - it is a vital part of my thought process - but each time I have opened up, I have also received feedback, as I was talking to people, rather than walls (or even wall-like people, who do exist... I just don't keep any near me).
Even when looking at only the responses that come from any one individual, there have been discrete qualities to different parts of the feedback I've gotten: some of it has been totally in line with my thoughts, serving the purpose of support and not much else; some of it has been similar to my outlook, but with divergences that let me see things from a new angle - sometimes providing additional information, sometimes leading me to hear but disagree, and sometimes actually causing me to interpolate what strikes me as better sense than mine over my preexisting mindset; some of it has been extremely polarized, sometimes to such an extent that I can't connect it with my own viewpoint at all and am not sure how to garner any value from it.
I have not known what to do with some of this feedback. It's from my friends, at all of their varied degrees of depth of association with me (ranging from acquaintance to chosen family), and I've accepted each response I incurred as it came, and appreciated them all. Each response has significance in and of itself, even if I don't know how to make use of it. In the sense of overarching meaning, though, I could not really understand this crazy quilt of differing answers at all. I wanted to comprehend, but I did not initially have enough information to do more than assemble those happenings as a list of fact. One aspect of my embarking into the world of adult connections is that I've essentially been gathering observations about the responses one receives, as a woman telling friends about relationship crises**.
I trend toward purposeful analyses of such things - intensive over-thoughtful internal study until I find clarity. Even after I attain that, additional forging may be required to force it into a shape that can be shared with those outside my head, and I'll work toward that shaping as well. One thing's for sure, there is no shortage of gears turning in my cranium. I find, though, that sometimes my thoughts piece themselves together while my top attention is elsewhere, only to spring forth from my brow, full-formed goddesses of thought.
* I'm not on the hunt, nor am I demanding that it be one of the amenities at every way station, but yes, love is my desired destination.
** Yes, I do in fact appear to be a walking Gallup poll. I swear I would have told you all, if I'd realized. :)
And this is where I must stop, not even having started to make my actual point, such as it is. Lunch hours are never long enough. *sigh*