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tears for nothin', and the snot's for free

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tears for nothin', and the snot's for free

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I feel sad and blue. I'm lonely, but I'm not sure for whom. Whoever it is, it's nobody I had access to today.

Today was just a discontented day for some reason: I got things done, but it somehow feels like they weren't the right things; I did some fun things, but they faded on me as soon as I stopped doing them.

This is an abnormal state for me. I have normal emotional ups and downs, but I can't remember the last time I felt lonely - I do know that it's been months.

My theory is that this is just a normal nadir, a dip in mood to help highlight the rises. If I ponder it, I can think of a few valid causes for me to be down right now, but even if there is some cause, it's nothing that happened today. I believe I would have felt like this no matter what today was like; I think it's about inner balance, that it's some kind of unconscious emotional regulation.

I know that there are folks who feel this way for days or weeks or years on end. It must be horrible; I don't know how I could cope. I'm lucky, and I'm aware of it - I don't think I'm built to be able to handle being depressed for more than a couple of hours, so it's fortunate that I haven't been. Maybe a soft gray sadness that you don't notice 'til it's over, such as sixth grade, but nothing active like this.

Feels like it's lifting already... maybe just because I exposed it. Now I'm going to bed, to either write about happy hedonism or just crash, and this post will most likely be the only remaining echo of it by the morning.
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