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Polymorphism

I don't know why you hug goodbye, I hug hello

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I don't know why you hug goodbye, I hug hello

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These days, I hang out with a lot of people who regularly hug each other hello and goodbye.

I notice this very sharply, because I am and have always been totally hug-passive on first meeting - I am not going to initiate a hug, but if I get hugged, I will almost certainly hug back. It might feel awkward, but I don’t mind that - I like the concept, and in execution it’s almost always more pleasant than not, even with occasional awkwardness. It’s just that I’m not going to start it, pretty much ever.

This is not related to my feelings about any one person, obviously, since it’s across the board, and has long been true of me, even when I really click with someone immediately. It's just about me, about the way I live inside this body and use it to relate to the outside world.

In truth, I have discovered lately that I really like hugging - sometimes it is the best feeling in the world to just stand still with someone, and envelop each other with your arms, and be in that moment. It simply doesn't come naturally to me. This isn’t a sad thing - I can grow the habit of hugging as a greeting with any particular person, and once I have, *then* initiating with them becomes a normal gesture for me. So, I don’t need sympathy - I get enough hugs to keep me happy, especially since, as I said, I have been spending time with people who hug *everyone* hello and goodbye, as a matter of course.

Because of all this, hugging feels a lot more normal to me in general than it did a couple of years ago. Clearly, I am being conditioned (oh, no, not the MIND CONTROL!!). Still, it’s never going to be normal as an introductory gesture for me.

At this point I should mention that my brother nekouken is the same way as I am regarding hugging. He is also hug-passive, and if anything, he’s even less likely to adapt to a hug than I - he finds them very awkward, pretty much all the time. From this, it can be extrapolated, correctly, that we aren’t accustomed to hugging each other. It’s obvious - who would have started it the first time?

It has to be the newfound veneer of normalcy that hugging has acquired for me (due to brainwashing), that prompted whatever mad impulse led me to hug him goodbye last night at the end of my visit to his apartment. It was weird. Very weird.

Very, very weird.

I will get over the weirdness, of course, but to aid me in the process… I could really use a hug?
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