polymorphism (polymorphism) wrote,
polymorphism
polymorphism

snip from email w/r/t Mike

"> If he does not shoulder this responsibility, I don't think I can have him around me anymore. If he goes, I'll miss him terribly - but I'm starting to think that maybe he *should* go..."

"I would imagine that him going would not mean that you wouldn't see him relatively regularly; I think you'd get enough of him to not miss him that much."

That's actually *not* a safe assumption - since his two completed school programs dovetail into each other, making him a potential engineer with the ability to DJ as well, he could conceivably go anywhere in the country and do well - the wider, non-famous-guy aspect of radio is designed for single people who can follow the job, and now that he's done with school and isn't contributing much right now anyway (meaning his help is of relatively little value to me, so its removal wouldn't hurt me that much) that's Mike to a T. He's as free as a bird - like I was before, he's one of those birds that does not have a car, but that's fairly easy to fix.

He *could*, of course, find radio work in the Chicago area, but it's the third largest market in the country - even with his new advantages, he still may not be able to break into it. He also might find non-radio work here - but he hasn't had much luck during the first million years of his job hunt; there's no reason to believe that he's going to during this new epoch.

*frowny* Even as I was writing this about him, we just had *another* dumb argument - about computer time, of course! Arrrgh! He can't get the concept that he has free access to the computer every weekday - I am at work, Reid is at Kelly's; Mike is not only unemployed, he's here alone all day - he has no competition for computer time, only whatever tasks he needs to accomplish during the day - and most of the time, that ain't too flippin' much! If he chooses to piss all this time away by sleeping until 11 every damned day, and by his unbelievably shitty time management during his waking hours, that is not my problem - I'm still going to claim what I see as a fair share of computer time on weekend days and after I get home in the evenings - especially now that the restrictions at work are tightening up! And if do I take more than my fair share, I still will feel no guilt - I've been doing this to him for what, two months? Ah, what the hell, count my webcomics addiction, too - that ups the count to closer to seven or eight months, give or take. I have been putting up with waiting for *him* - because I am not just counting waiting for computer time but also all the waiting I have done for him to stop videogaming so that we can leave/start working/whatever - for seven years! And just because I haven't been snagging my equal share of things for all this time does not mean that I no longer have the right to start, now that I have a reason to do so!

Hmph! Maybe I won't miss him! Stupid little fucker!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ah. Primal email screaming is remarkably satisfying. *sigh*

Updatey thing: I had to go away from email composition to finish this with Mike - you know we always have to end a fight with the "rational discussion" part (though actually I did not get irrational in this fight! Loud, but still rational! Yay me!), but this time it was *amazingly* productive. He finally admitted that he is not being fair when he pulls this crap! Thank goodness, because he was starting to edge into "Hi, I deserve to die! Please murder me in my sleep!" territory with me, and killing people is such a pain in the winter - I am not into digging in the frozen earth, and I don't have a wood chipper - it'd be the dumpster for his corpse, and you *know* I'd get caught!

I had actually sussed his mental state pretty accurately (not that it's an excuse for the fights he's been picking) - he's having self-worth issues because he can't find a job. It's not the only issue he's got, and maybe not even the biggest, but it is definitely coloring every other aspect of his life. I told him that when he comes at me from that grouchy place he's developed, the things that are happening in *my* life - my new and extra special job stress and my new relationship with you - make me have approximately the same reaction to him every time: I'm focusing on something completely different, and I don't even *care* about this whiny, bitchy bullshit - I don't want to deal with it, I just want it to go away. He also said that when we argue, I make him feel like nothing he's done in the last three years has been worthwhile at all. I told him that, first, if I actively didn't want him around, he would be long gone, but second, that while I *do* see that he's made changes and improvements and he has been moving in the right direction, no, none of that ultimately matters - not until we start seeing the *fruits* of some of his labors! I don't care about the means anymore - I've been waiting too long for the end! *Any* end!  I am sick and tired of being dead broke.  Having the apartment be clean has been a huge step, but it's still overbalanced by the fact that we have a new person in our equation - Kelly - and she has not been beaten down into apathy the way I have.  She's more than willing to fight about equal contributions, should the need arise - and that sparks my own ire.  She's doing us a good by letting us move in, and just because the benefits will be mutual doesn't mean she should get an unhappymaking thing along with the good - she does *not* deserve to inherit my unemployed brother and my other live-in hobo!

Jeez - just the fact that I have two pet bums in my house shows what a total softie I am.  I meant what  I told Mike - no one else I know would tolerate all the crap I have put up with - everyone who knows the situation thinks that I am insane! - and still he and Reid have the unmitigated gall to tell me I am not bending enough.  They both need a straight shot of reality!  Especially that pisher Reid. 

*sigh*  Mel has told me that I am an enabler - but I don't think I will be for too much longer.  There's only about yea much rope left, and then it'll be "Hit the road, Jack!" (that's assuming Reid won't already have flaked by then) but I am hoping that Mike at least will be able to pull out some kind of save.  Don't care about Reid - I'm getting bored with him again.  I think it's time for him to take another hitchhiking trip to Florida.  I could certainly use about an eight month vacation from him!

Tags: family, griping
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