written while I take one of my two federally mandated 15 minute breaks
Go ahead: irritate me first thing in the morning; just be prepared to get it back...in SPADES!
If this sounds like fun, here's your game plan: while looking for my keys, pull my ditty bag out of my purse, even though my keys always go in the zipper pocket - you'll really have to *work* to get it out, since I bought it to fit exactly. Then, instead of putting it back, set it next to my purse, where I will not see it, since I leave the front room lights off while getting my things in the morning so that you can continue to sleep like the bum you are.
This will be even more effective if, every time I ever ask you to get something out of my purse, you refuse, saying, "No way! I don't get in women's purses! Too easy to get in trouble!" Hmmm... guess you said a mouthful, dumbass!
Alternately, take a job as a dishonorable hatchet man, i. e., be my boss. Trust me, that's enough to irritate (see: title of post).