a ridiculous instance of holding forth
Ok, so there was this woman in the parking lot this morning - a total stranger to me. My first thought when I saw her was, wow, those have to be a pretty effective gaydar filter: the ones who look her in the face might be straight, but it's unlikely. My theory at that moment was that only gay men would be able to avoid hypnosis.
However, I then got into the elevator with her, and I had to change that original assessment, because I had to force myself to avert my eyes - and it had nothing to do with sex. It was about, oh, I don't know what exactly. Justaposition? Composition? I doubt if it can be described, but I will do my best. The rondure of the flesh, while not hugely out of proportion and only somewhat protuberant, was emphatically convex, as well as being quite jiggly (my inexpert opinion: no, Virginia, that is not silicon - saline, *maybe*). That, combined with the skimpiness of the undergarment that was so clearly visible between the at-most-semi-opaque top she was wearing, created a mesmerizing balancing act - not Cirque de Soleil calibre, but certainly worthy of Circus of the Stars. Then there was the THO, of course - the cherries which top all the best mammalian desserts, I'm sure.
This kind of power to draw focus goes beyond gender, orientation, age or even species. I feel morally certain that any man, any woman, any baby, dog, cat, horse, iguana, what have you, would be similary drawn into this vortex, this attention devouring black hole. I think sights like this one are one of the reasons that birds fly into windows.
So, the final determination must be that they are not that good for gaydar augmentation after all, since it won't be just straight men who gaze helplessly upon her bounty, but all creatures great and small. I wonder if she has had a literal face-to-face conversation with anyone since puberty set in, poor thing. On the bright side, though, I bet she'd make a great spy. Or maybe a non-violent anti-terrorism device! Or.. she could be a better mousetrap, and the world will beat a path to her bra!