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someone is wrong...

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someone is wrong...

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>:(  smurf you
So, I have been on OkCupid more lately than I had been in a long while. The thing I like to do after reading a profile is going into their publicly answered questions, sorting by ones I have not yet answered. It lets me get a little better sense of them as a person, and also helps me answer more questions in a way that is not just compulsively answering one after another with nothing else going on. The fact that you can explain your answers to questions with problematic phrasing or poor options is what makes me willing to answer many that I formerly skipped, and looking at other people's lists allows me to see and answer questions that may have been retired from the main list (Yes, those questions definitely trigger my completist streak.). In order to see the answers of others, I also have to answer publicly, which then hits other people's current activity feeds. This sometimes inspire people to comment back.

Today, I answered the question, "Do you find arrogance to be a turn-on?" with "Yes. Explanation: “It might be better to say that arrogance usually comes with the suite of characteristics that I find attractive, and doesn't turn me off enough to rule someone out. Also, poking at egos gives me something to do. ” Shortly after, a guy with a really stupid handle embarked on an email exchange with me.

gwsh: Wow.... never thought I'd see someone answer yes to this. I'm shocked.

me: Did you read the addendum?

gwsh: Yes, I did. Still shocked. To me, arrogance = douchebag. I find it unbelievable that someone would find that attractive

me: Well, that's the subtext you're reading into it, not the actual meaning of the word. I find competence hot, and it is often, though not always, accompanied with a measure of arrogance. That is not inherently douchebaggery. You can actually exhibit arrogance without being a conscious jerk. If you have a skill, and show open self regard because of it, and a tendency to go with your own opinion over others, that is arrogance. If that arrogance is based on a real, verifiable skillset, and the person takes ribbing with humor and will listen when called to do so, then frankly I'd rather see arrogance based on real merit than self-effacement.

In my observation people's attributes come in clusters. Some characteristics cause me to write a person off immediately. Arrogance is not one.


gwsh: Well said, but I disagree. Arrogance, whether accompanied by competence or not, still equals douchebag to me. You can be confident in your abilities without arrogance. I'll stick with the dictionary definition of the word, as it rings true in my experience....

ar·ro·gance
   [ar-uh-guhns]
noun
offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.


Key word being offensive.


me: Oh my goodness gracious.

The beautiful irony here is that by contacting me out of the blue to pronounce your judgment on my standards, and then proceeding to argue with me after I was kind enough to expand on said standards for your edification, you have displayed quite a generous helping of arrogance toward me today. By your own assessment, I should reject you immediately. By mine, I withhold that decision until I see how you respond to my next question: are you self-hating or just oblivious?

Incidentally, I think it is *adorable* that you went to the authority of the dictionary, as if that somehow proves me wrong in my taste in partners. For the record, as I am in fact a fan of dictionaries, I just did a quick survey, and American Heritage, Merriam-Webster and the Oxford Online all lack the word "offensive." The Cambridge was the closest with "unpleasantly proud." In any case, since the standard phonetic transcription is "'ærəɡəns," one wonders just what sort of resource you are using for your lexicographical needs.

Is that arrogant of me? I think perhaps it is. If that makes me unattractive you you, I will just have to find the strength to persevere.


Just as I told him, I will wait and see if he responds with humor/chagrin or by calling me a whore (or some middle ground is possible, even if it is an argument online).

Maybe I am kidding myself when I say I don't like to argue. Of course, when that question is asked, what comes to my mind is arguments in relationships, not ones that involve me using onelook.com. Ones like this can be pretty fun, but they just don't matter.
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