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I have a house

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I have a house

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Mom's move went fantastically well this weekend. I did a lot of cheerleading. The joke that comes out of it for us is me saying "You're doing GREAT!" Lots of those were accompanied with double thumbs up. The thing is, she really was, but she was having difficulty seeing it. This is not about me. Except that I totally got a house out of it.

This move happened fast. LIFE has been happening fast for Mom. Bob died just a year ago, and Mom did her grieving, mostly alone, over the course of about six months, and then started building her life without him. She's reconnected with old friends, she started dating again in July (and did so just enough to get some awesomely ridiculous stories), and she's found someone who is more than a joke. They've only been involved since a week or so before Labor Day, when they met in person, and have gone from there. Nekouken and I have now met him because he came to help with the move... after asking her to schedule it so that he could be there. That right there says "keeper" - I don't know anyone who is more willing to help with a move than I am myself, and for me to do what he did would mean I was taking that relationship very seriously. It'd be surprising at this point in life if Mom didn't know what she wants, but still, that was pretty damn zippy. Similarly, the move itself went BAM! she saw a duplex in mid September, BAM! she inquired and found out she knew the owners, BAM! she applied, BAM! she put down her first month's rent and deposit, and took possession on 9/29. Bear in mind that I moved in here in August, and the original plan was for her to move out around January. IT'S SO FAST.

With all that speed, Mom was feeling pretty overwhelmed. That was her answer every time I checked in with her. It makes a lot of sense - she has had mostly long term relationships with houses, and this move was a very different kind than most. Everyone tries to trim down stuff during a move, but she is also moving to a smaller place, moving to renting instead of owning, and just trying to break up with her stuff - she has also been in many long term relationships with various dishes, decorations and pieces of furniture, but she's grown and changed and they haven't. It's not them, it's her. And this time, I was staying behind, so anything she no longer needed but I could still use, she wanted to leave for me. So, instead of just packing 99% of all her things like in a normal move, she had to make hundreds of little decisions - do I need, want or love this? If not, does it go to the garage sale pile, to the church, to a person, to the trash, or does it stay in the house?

She was also saying another goodbye to Bob. Moving on comes in stages, and this was the one where she had to part with the physical aspects that remained after his body was gone - putting photos away, throwing out the rocks they collected from various places (this was a decision of substance - Mom has been taking rocks from places for a long time, and let me tell ya, they are fucking HEAVY to move), and just the detritus of his life, the subtle things that were still there after the obvious ones were handled months ago.

So, with all of that happening in this move, she was mentally exhausted just thinking about starting any of it. I was hoping for us to get a lot done during the week but it really didn't happen that way - my schedule now ending at quarter to 9 is a vast improvement over quarter to 11, but it still a long way from alignment with a person on an 8 to 5 schedule.

I'm writing so much about what was happening with Mom because it impacted me directly. I needed to help her get this move done at the time she wanted, so that we wouldn't have truck rental fail, and have stress, frustration and exhausted helpers at the end of the weekend. I don't HAVE to take charge of affairs such as these - I was one of many equal helpers during Bamm's move a few weeks ago, and I used the language of suggestions with those who knew what to do, and the instructions I did give were because people were asking me what to do (mostly? probably? I hope that everyone else there shared my perception of me, but no one punched me at the end, so at least there's that) - but when I do I do a pretty good job of it. Mom said a lot of times she could not have done it without me, and that is objectively true. I made sure this place was mostly packed by the end of Saturday and ready for the truck on Sunday.

I don't want a chronology here, I just want to hit the highlights:

I woke up at 6:45 on Saturday, actually up before Mom. On a friend's suggestion, I tried making the coffee for her so it'd be there when she got up... and it turns out I need a little practice at coffee making, getting how the thing works, etc. Hers is not like the ones at work. She was able to drink it, though, so there's that.

Finding Mom a new washer and dryer on Craigslist within a few miles of her place was way better than hauling these out of here - for $275, she got nearly new and already proven in good working order, and I got to keep the ones that she had here. Win-win!

Mike was originally supposed to drive the truck, but when we picked it up, we found out that Mike's license expired on his birthday - now replaced, but I do have to say, it's a lot better to have the truck rental guy point this out than a cop.

Because of the whole license thing being discovered on Saturday after 4, it was too late to fix it, so I drove the truck! It was not my plan but it went pretty well. Steve backed it into one driveway for me, when we were getting the washer and dryer, but I backed it up Mom's uphill driveway twice (with the commensurate rear view directing from behind).

I really like Steve. I think he'll be good for Mom. I hope they work out long term.

Since we finished so quickly, nekouken and I decided to leave Rockford with the truck and come back to Elgin to load MY large possessions and get them to Sycamore. I called up Skinny Scott and he helped us out, so now I owe him a move - it's usually the other way around for me and moving!

That's pretty much it. As an aside, I'm pretty pleased that I managed to actually write this; been pretty crippled in that area of late.
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