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Polymorphism

Today was pretty different than I would have guessed from the vantage…

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Today was pretty different than I would have guessed from the vantage point of Monday.

The underlying reason for this is that a year ago, after my last interview, my one suit apparently went, not to the dry cleaner's, but the suit babysitter's. How it got a spot in the first place I don't know, as I can't imagine I ate in it, but I discovered the fact too late for it to be useful information, and I had nothing else suitable in the Incredible Shrinking Wardrobe, so I hied me away to the stores to try and replace it.

I first went to Catherine's, but even with my fashion unsense, I can still, as it turns out, detect clothes that are more grandma than my actual Grandma (though admittedly she is pretty stylin'). Since when does fat = I must be pushing 100? When I say I like solid colors, that doesn't mean I want apricot or whatever the name of pastel lime is, ya fuckos. I have mixed feelings about my weight loss, but I will not miss the freakshow that is plus-sized women's clothing.

However, I digress. I was also going to try Lane Bryant, the go-to shop for the professionals in the heavy set, but apparently it has gone guerilla and is using the mall as camoflage. Or something. In any case, I couldn't find the damned place, and so I braved the horror of horrors itself.

Normally I would have to snark the mall a lot at this point (why, anyone who didn't know me might get the idea that I loathe most shopping and most especially the hunt for apparel, mightn't they?), and I was amazed, as I walked through, at how foreign it all felt to me, but it ended up being mercifully brief, and anyway I am totally distracted now because OH HEY INTERVIEW!

I went to J. C. Penney, and found a suit that fit marked down from $80 to $20 - and as if there were a need for more proof that I am not a "natural woman," I did not experience the flush of triumph that I've so oft heard described, but rather, "I did it! I am only $20 closer to broke AND I get to leave prison early! YEEEEE!"

So now I am all ready to suit up tomorrow, to join a Bamm in what I hope will become our commute instead of just hers. There is a lot of newness to this! Now if only I had someone to makke out with... :)
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