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Polymorphism

Sometimes I feel disconnected from myself. I look at something I did…

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Sometimes I feel disconnected from myself. I look at something I did and think, "Who does that? Oh, damn, apparently *I* do." It's not too common an experience for me, but last night I did it twice.

I was over at a friend's house, and after asking if I could help, got handed a metal skewer to break up the ice from the ice maker that was a bit stuck together. So, I did this thing with the skewer - and then I left the freaking box of ice on the counter. Like, what, I forgot that ice melts? Like someone else was going to come and put it away for me? Honestly, there wasn't even a screwy thought process like those - I just didn't think of it until she put it away a few minutes later, at which point I went, buh, why the hell didn't I do that? Why didn't it even OCCUR to me? What gives, brain?

Later on, I touched a fairly new friend on the head without thinking about it. I did it because he said something funny and a burst of affection suddenly popped in me right while I was walking behind where he was sitting, but I just don't know him well enough to have learned his likes and dislikes regarding touch, or to have earned my way within his personal space bubble. Admittedly, it wasn't like I copped a feel or did anything sleazy, but at the same time, the head can be a very intimate place. As far as I know he freaking hates that, and usually I'm not so carefree before learning other people's boundaries. I realized a moment later what I'd done and apologized, and it didn't seem to have caused him to develop a tremendous problem with me, but still, I was so acting the spaz.

I have to wonder, what would make me act this way? Is it the strangeness of how my life is right now compared to how I planned for now to be from the vantage of last year? Is it some internal emotional confluence that I can't really see clearly but that is affecting me? Is it that I spent the last two days doing deep cleaning while working with a cumulative 7 hour sleep shortage?

Actually, it is probably that last, possibly with splashes of the other two. Still, these aren't excuses. I can't be doing that crap, especially in situations where I don't have that "old friends" status to bank on.
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